Last weekend I participated in a Tantra festival that was very beautifully organized, designed in such a way that people could gradually move into connection, creating a safe space where everyone could slowly go through acceptance and then opening.
The first day started at 5 PM, and I arrived into a sea of strangers. Everyone was greeting each other, hugging, already seeming connected, and I was the complete opposite. I felt very closed. I couldn’t stand anyone coming close to me, and the thought of being hugged created panic in me. Even though the space was warm and well structured, nothing much was happening inside me. When I left around 11 PM, all I could say was that it was interesting. Nothing more.
The second day was different. I arrived again into that same sea of people, but this time it felt like I started to breathe the energy of the place. Expectations slowly dissolved, and I began to enjoy simple things, like a handshake. I cried a lot during eye gazing. For those who don’t know, eye gazing plays a very big role in opening up, and in the beginning it’s extremely uncomfortable. You sit in front of someone and look into their eyes and it feels like there’s nowhere to run. Then slowly, you begin to see yourself in the other person’s eyes, and then something happens… a connection appears where you don’t need words anymore, you just feel. It was used several times during the festival as a way to reconnect, and it’s actually one of the simplest and most useful tools we can use in everyday life.
On the second day there was a lot of work around boundaries. First, to see that you have them. Then to feel them. And then to allow yourself not to accept everything. To say “no”. And this is the interesting part: when you say “no” to someone else, you say “yes” to yourself. It’s not about rejection, it’s not about the other person, it’s about you. And when you express your boundaries, the other person learns to respect them.
Tantra is part of yoga, and yoga is, in essence, a form of union , with yourself, with your body, with what is. It means not being fragmented, but being whole. And tantra is when you are not just with yourself anymore, but you bring that state into connection with another, being there together in the same presence.
If you were born, it means your mother and father came together in some way. The difference is whether there was conscious connection in that moment or not. Sex is easy. But to be truly connected in those moments is something else entirely. It’s an art. But even the word “art” can sound like a goal, when in fact it is simply the result of presence. When you are there, breathing, movement, touch, and gaze become fluid.
For those who don’t have refined taste, there is fast food, there are mass products. But for those who develop their senses, mastery appears. You become a chef, a sommelier, an artist through practice and presence in what you do. It’s the same with the connection between sex and tantra. It’s not about how often you have sex, but how you are in that experience, and even more, how you are in everyday life. Because tantra is not just about sex. You might have sex once a week or once a month, but in between you observe people, you see bodies, patterns, limitations, you see who is present and who is lost in their mind. And sometimes a moment appears where you are at the same level of presence with someone. That moment is tantric.
Coming back to the festival, I noticed it’s still not easy for me to say “no”. But when I stopped analyzing what others think about me and brought my attention into my body, something shifted. I felt I could let my body move freely, dance without control. My mind became quiet, and gradually I started to accept another person next to me. Then naturally came the desire for closeness, to feel another body, a hug, to feel how I regulate through the other. And there, after years of inner work, I could see how certain things from childhood settled, as if that part of me became integrated into the whole.
Being a woman or a man is not something we automatically know. Many of us play roles, copy, function from patterns, and remain, in fact, children in adult bodies. In my case it became very clear. I played roles my whole life until a point where I felt that I am a woman. Not just an adult, but emotionally mature. And the difference is huge.
The third day was about gratitude. For every pair of eyes, for every person who was there, because each one contributed to that state. After the festival I remained sensitive for a few days and I noticed something , I cannot really transmit these experiences to someone who is not open. I can speak from the state, but the other only receives the idea. To enter that state, practice is needed, the mind needs to quiet down, and the body needs to feel safe enough to open.
In conclusion, tantra is a way of living. It’s about savoring life, being present in every interaction, in every sense. And if sex appears from time to time, it is just an extension of that state, not the goal. Just one of the ways this presence expresses itself.