One day, a psychologist said something that made me see everything differently: “You can’t think about love and then feel it. You have to feel it first, and then you’ll understand that it’s love.” His words echoed in my mind for a long time. At that moment, I realized that my obsessive search was keeping me stuck. So, I let go. I stopped chasing love, and without even realizing it, I began to let things flow naturally.
This attempt to find love came after one of the hardest periods of my life. I had separated from the man I loved with all my heart—a breakup that shattered me from the inside out. Shortly after that, I physically lost my brother, a loss that crushed my soul. Those were dark years, years when everything I had believed in and felt up until then seemed to collapse. I lost faith in love, in life, and perhaps most painfully, in myself.
Yet, little by little, I started to rebuild myself. At first, it felt like barely climbing out of a deep pit, but with each step, I began to regain my balance. There were moments when I fell again, but this time, I found the strength to get back up. However, even though I managed to overcome many things, deep inside, a void persisted. I was still burdened by the bitter truth that I couldn’t feel love anymore.
During that time, I desperately sought love. I tried to understand it, identify it, and force it back into my life. But the harder I tried, the more it seemed to slip further away. Until one night, when I reached the end of my strength. I didn’t know what to do or where to turn. So, I decided to talk to God. It was an honest conversation, straight from my soul. In the next moment, something changed. I felt a profound peace, an understanding that came not from my mind, but from my heart.
I realized that love was me. It wasn’t something I needed to search for outside of myself. It wasn’t about possessiveness, jealousy, or control—those things I had associated with love for so long. It felt like a curtain had lifted, revealing a completely new and healthy definition of love. I discovered that love is acceptance, peace, and serenity.
After that night, love began to reappear in my life, but not in the forms I expected. I realized it had always been there, in the small, simple things. I felt it when I watched the sunset, when I stroked my cat, when I carefully made a sandwich for my child. I understood that love doesn’t have to be grand or dramatic. It’s enough to feel acceptance and respect for everything around you, and love will be there.
I let go of my old perception of love. I am grateful for those experiences, even though they were painful. Only by living through them did I come to understand what love truly means. Today, I feel spiritually rich. I’ve discovered a small corner of life’s meaning, and that’s enough for me.
Now, I feel love even for the lid of a jar. And I know why: because if I didn’t, I’d be lying to myself about understanding what love is.
If these words seem absurd to you, accept them as they are. I’m not trying to convince you. I’m not writing to gain anyone’s approval. I share this story only because maybe it will help someone. Maybe, somewhere, someone needs to hear these words, just as I once needed a guide to help me rediscover love.
For those who understand, I’m glad to know these words have reached you. For those who don’t, it’s okay—because each of us has our own journey.